I have serious menstrual problems: first the migraine or a migraine like headache; then … well the things I don’t feel like sharing; and finally on the second or the third day it hurts like hell and there are many things happening in my stomach and body. Altogether, it gets disgusting and I have to be alone.
Robin is a doctor and I was lucky that she was away or busy the first two months, but this month it’s going to be difficult. I tried to drink as much coffee as possible in order to help my digestive system before the weekend but it wasn’t helping. I just made myself sick. I was horrified of how I am going to get out of that situation. My belly was huge, bloated, and my thighs looked bad…
I couldn’t admit and I couldn’t lie.
– Hey, honeeey… ammm- I started over the phone. She was already laughing.
– Yes, kiddow?
-ammm… I need you to promise me something…
– I want to tell you something but you have to promise that you will not get angry and that you will not come to see me until .. until I am ready…
-What is happening? – she sounded alarmed
-Can you please promise?
-No. I can’t because I don’t know what is happening. But I will respect your wish if I conclude that that is what’s best for you.
-But please.. – I was getting desperate ….
-No, start talking or I am coming. – Of course, I started and told her most of the truth, leaving out couple of disgusting details and a couple of details which could alarm her, as in “I sometimes collapse”. There was a rather long silence when I stopped.
-Sweetie,… that sounds like endometriosis… We’ll have to see what’s happening there…
-Robin… please …
-Ok, I will not come if you call me regularly. But, you must schedule some doctor’s appointments, love. – I was relieved.
– Oh, but it’s been like this for years, it’s nothing new. I mean if it had been serious, it would have evolved by now.
– Sonia, when was the last time you checked all of those things? – She was half mocking my not talking about sexual organs normally. I paused. There are just so many nasty exams connected to my problems, starting with the gynecologist appointment.
– Well,… it was… like… more than a year ago…
– Sonia? – her tone was so strict that my lips started curling as if she were right in front of me with a wooden spatula.
– Well… the gynecologist was like… a… mm.a… four years ago… and she didn’t do.. the…the thing.. cause I wasn’t … I had never… I mean the hymen was…. I asked her not to…
– So, never!? – she seemed deeply shocked. After a long pause she continued. – And I assume it’s the same for the rest of it?
– Well, kind of.. I mean, I had the ultra sound of the uterus, and ovaries and the belly…and… well, that’s about it. – She sighed deeply.
-OK, I will ask a friend of mine to schedule an app-
-NO! – I interrupted her, horrified. – No, Robin, not your friends. Your friends cannot be my doctors.
-Ok, … if you wouldn’t feel comfortable… But, schedule the appointments right now and we’ll talk about this more when you’re period free. Understood?
– And we will have a special chat for the “more than one year” and for the fact that you lied to me last month. –
Shit, she remembered…
-…OK… – I accepted my faith and after a pause she continued in a different tone of voice.
-And you were a virgin when you were 27? Not even penetrating masturbation? Actually, no, we’ll talk about that in person. – She stopped herself from being curious although I didn’t mind talking about it. As the matter of fact I wanted to talk about it.
I lied to her some more during that weekend, but I think she didn’t realize it.
We saw each other on Wednesday. I couldn’t wait to put my arms around her. We kissed so long and passionately that we ended up on a couch. I started lifting her shirt while at the same time kissing her neck just below her ear when she stopped me. Her eyes were so soft but a little bit strict, and she was almost smiling. I love that expression on her face. I know I am in a bit of a trouble while at the same time feeling the closeness and love.
– We have some unfinished business, but you can continue that afterwards. – My hand automatically reached for my bottom. I looked up at her with a begging look.
– Do we have to? I didn’t really lie. It was … – but then her expression changed. It became more irritated and I started getting scared.
– No, don’t even go there. Manipulating the truth to sound like a lie is a lie. Don’t ever… – she grabbed my chin to make me look at her – don’t ever do that again.
– I won’t. – I squeak-whispered.
-Very well. When are you appointments? – There were no appointments. I had been postponing making them, and in my country the procedure is a bit different than in the USA or UK. Well, I mean, that wasn’t the real reason. I just didn’t want them.
I was just looking at my socks instead of answering.
-Sonia!? – she already sounded exasperated. – Get up and take off your pants.
-No, Robin, please, I’ll make the appointments. I am sorry. Please, please…I’ll make them in the morning… first thing … please…
– Get. up. – I wanted to but I just couldn’t move. She grabbed the spatula from the table and pushed me slightly, her hand on my lower back. Her touch was electric. I think she barely pushed me to lie on the couch, but I did, my feet on the floor and my butt on display. I was already crying from the first couple of spanks. She stopped after about a dozen or so.
– Get. up! – As I was getting up and wiping the tears and looking for a paper tissue in the pocket, she said: – Pants and panties off. – I took a quick look at her, but there was no negotiating. I took my pants off slowly and tried to implore with my teary eyes but she just dropped the spatula on the couch and pulled my panties down scorching my behind and the thighs in the process. I felt way too exposed, but I forgot about the nakedness in a second. She started smacking my butt with her hand while holding my waist. It was so humiliating. And it hurt. As I was trying to move away from her, she just held tighter. Then she sat and pulled me down.
– Please, Robiiiiin, no more… … please…
– You will never lie to me again and you will not disobey like that. Ever! – with that she started again. She was damn scary.
-Please Robin, I got it. I won’t ever …aaaaaaaaaaowi – the spatula was back on – aaaaaaaaaaaou – I started kicking and bawling …- She paused.
– Sonia, stop kicking. If you kick you will just get extra on the thighs, honey. – I couldn’t believe how much love fit at the very end of that horrible sentence. I felt like she didn’t want to be doing it.
-But, honey, pleeeeeeeeeeease it’s enough…. pleeease…
-No, we don’t want to be back here tomorrow- and she slammed that spatula on my butt. Inevitably I kicked and the thighs were next.
-It huuuuuuuuuuurts so baaaaaaaaaad… Roo-ooo-biiiin!
-Stop the bawling!
-But hoooneeey… it huuuurts!
– And .how. much. do you think. it would. hurt. if something. happened. to. you? – I finally got it. It’s not about the lying. I mean it is, but it is also about her not wanting me to die! She does care about me!
-I am sooo-oryyyy…
– You should be. – She said coldly as she continued smacking my behind.
– Pleeeeaase … – She finally dropped the spatula and set her hand on my burning bottom.
– Remember this tomorrow. You must make those appointments and I’ll arrange for you to have your blood drawn next Friday, so you should stop taking the iron supplements now.
– Noooo-oooooooo, please… – I don’t know why I said it, I just felt so scared of needles and the whole situation. And the image of her sticking that needle into my vein felt like more spanking. No, much worse actually! Although I knew that it wouldn’t be her doing it but… I don’t know why I said it.
– Excuse me? – I panicked and tried to correct my mistake as quickly as possible.
-Iamsorry, I am sorry.I didn’t mean that! Ididn’t ! – but it was too late, her hand began dancing on my sit spots.
-Aaaaaaaaahhhh I didn’t want to say… aaaauuu Roooobiiin
– You obviously still don’t know how this works. – she didn’t spank for long after that but I was a blubbering mess.
I didn’t get up from her lap for almost a minute after she stopped. Finally, she gently pulled me up and I nestled my head against her chest hugging her waist.
I made the appointment with my doctor the next day, of course, and then the doctor scheduled the appointments with the specialists, but the first one was about 3 weeks away. I was just hoping that Robin couldn’t organize the blood drawing at her hospital and that I would have to wait for the proper channels.
The following Thursday, there was, however, another stressful event: dinner with Selena.
I was kind of avoiding her after Robin had started spanking me. I thought that she would somehow know what was going on and that she would realize that not so long ago I wanted that from her. I would have to be especially good that evening in order not to provoke a stern look or something worse.
Selena and I were the first to arrive. She seemed so glad to see me. Like she has … maybe never been… and despite being happy with Robin I found out that I still have a soft spot for her. Not that I would ever change Robin for her, but just being attuned to her needs and moods after so many years of careful listening and observing, I could feel that she was faking her happiness in general and it made me sad. She kept touching my hand as she talked which didn’t mean anything in a sexual way, because she is 100% hetero, but it meant closeness. Well, I have always interpreted it as closeness and those moments were so rare that they used to be precious. And I felt like hugging her , which I did. And her stiffness with a pat on the back awoke me to the reality and reminded me of the lack of true closeness between us, just as Robin was approaching the table.
She wasn’t too cheerful. I thought it was because of what she saw and I wanted to explain but she practically ignored me. I got a fleeting kiss, while she and Selena had a hug. And when she sat down I got an extremely stern look. As I was grabbing the cocktail in front of me, simply wanting to do something because I didn’t know what to say, she raised her eyebrows and became sterner.
– Honey, – she so forced the “honey” part – you are having your blood work done in less than 15 hours, I don’t think you should be drinking.
My heart sank: it will be tomorrow.
– Oh, yes, I…I forgot. – I put the glass down and my hands in my lap. Selena looked at us in such a strange way that I think my face was red within a second. Luckily, Robin didn’t even blink and she proceeded to explain to Selena how irresponsible I had been, and Selena just added wood to the fire by naming more of my bad habits concerning health. And then she mentioned that Robin should look into the collapsing as well. She continued talking but at that moment I could almost feel how stiff Robin’s body became. She didn’t even look at me, she just took a long slow deep breath and her lips kind of thinned out a little, for a second. Then, some guy approached us, and at first they were all talking together, but then Selena started explaining something to him – I wasn’t listening. I was actively dreading the first look Robin was going to give me. I had a flash back to previous Wednesday and I was truly scared of that look. And then it happened. She turned around slowly towards me, I became so scared that I could cry and pee right away. But I just bowed my head to hide my teary eyes and quivering lips at least a little bit.
I squealed quietly: “I am sorry. I’m scared of needles.”
-I know that, Sonia. But I thought that you had had enough the other day.
-Yes, and if I had told you, you would have… – I whispered in her ear- spanked me even harder…. – my God, her hair smelled nice. She drew her head back and looked into my eyes.
-Yes, I probably would have. – she said as if she had realized that my move was logical. – However, from now on, you will learn that the longer you wait, the worse it gets. – my eyes widened and my right hand went straight for my butt. – Oh, yes. – she added and then she slowly took the betraying hand and held it in her hand. – But, we will leave that for tomorrow evening. You need to be well rested for the morning. – with that she smiled in a weird, mischievous-strict way and put her arm around my shoulder.
There was something precious about her beautiful hair on my cheek, her arm wrapped around my shoulder and the strange feeling in my sit spots. I felt so cared for, accepted, safe.
We left soon after. She was quiet and I felt that she was angry, but I didn’t dare say or ask anything. In the morning I didn’t feel like getting up. I turned off the alarm and I was trying to continue sleeping when she entered the room. All dressed for work and beautiful. For a split second I forgot about everything and my heart was filled with such amazing joy. She was there, all perfect, looking at me. I jumped out of bed to brush my teeth and shower so I can persuade her to get out of those clothes for a short while.
However, when I was done she just announced as if she were reading my mind.
-We don’t have time for that, love. And I wish we had. – she added as she was cupping my butt with her hand.
-Can I have a hug? – I pleaded.
-Of course, baby. – she said as she was spreading her arms. She held me patiently and until I let go with a sigh. But she kept her hands on my shoulders.
-Sweetie, I know you are afraid of needles and I know this isn’t easy for you, so do you want me to do it or …
-No! – I didn’t let her finish the sentence, but she didn’t mind.
-OK, but if you change your mind, tell me.
When we got into the lab I felt like escaping it. My heart pumping like crazy. I wanted to change my focus, but even Robin laughing with the phlebotomist woman didn’t help. I couldn’t wait for Robin to leave. It was all scary and embarrassing at the same time. But then, she sat next to me.
– Aren’t you going to leave? – I asked, surprised look on my face.
– No, hon, because you have to calm down. Come on, breathe.
– Do I have to do this?
– Baby, breathe. – and she started breathing, the 4-7-8 technique. I was about to cry when I started but after the third round I felt calmer. As the phlebotomist woman was putting the rubber thingy on my upper arm singing to a song from the radio, Robin whispered very quietly on my ear that I was going to get a long cuddle time when we came home.
-Ready? – the woman asked. And she stuck that needle in my vein without waiting for my response. Robin whispered :”count down from 30″. And as I looked into her eyes, I was bathed with her love and smiled in spite of the needle and the fear. I could look into her eyes forever. I felt alive and I felt happy…
…and I couldn’t believe that 30 seconds still weren’t over!!! It felt like eternity!
When we went to the hospital cafeteria, I felt as if I was with a celebrity. She went to get us breakfast, but got stopped by at least 4 people and every time the power dynamics were so obvious. She was the knowledgeable one, the authority. Standing straight and deeply confident, talking with a smile, she seemed even more powerful than usual. It was beyond me what a woman like that could possibly see in me…. a whiny little shit who can’t even get blood drawn without making a fuss about it. I wanted so much to become more than I was, to be worthy of her.