ROBIN 2

I spent 2 hours trying to make up my mind whether I wanted to go to a birthday party. I was invited after I had texted Happy birthday to  Selena’s friend’s husband. I was always Selena’s …what would I call it… plus one… or … puppy… you know the person who follows her around and then everybody else accepts that out of pity she will sometimes take me to parties where I don’t know almost anyone. And then her good friends got to know me, so me going somewhere with her became normal.  And eventually, since I am not too sociable, her friends became the only people I saw.
But, that day, I just couldn’t make myself go there… I remembered that sometimes I don’t even have anywhere to sit or anyone to talk to at that couple’s parties. And, before, when I was obsessed with Selena it was a joy to be where she is, it didn’t matter that I was the odd person out. Well, not exactly joyful… but that suffering was better than being home alone and lonely, away from Selena.
This time, however, I went into one of my decision paralyzed modes. When I have to leave the house sometimes I just can’t make myself do it, and I usually end up cancelling whatever obligation I had because I run out of time to actually get there.
I got used to keeping my shitty moods to myself. Selena does not approve of such spoiled and impolite behavior like being depressed or getting into a vicious circle of thoughts you can’t snap out of.
So, although I wanted to call Selena and see whether she was going, I ended up not doing anything, but sitting on the bed and every once in a while realizing that I have stopped breathing and I am clenching my teeth trying to think of what to do. Selena didn’t call me either, but that was not a surprise. Nervous and in a bad mood I was trying to watch a TV show when Robin called me.
-Robiiin!
– Hey, kiddo, you’re back from the birthday?
– No, I didn’t go.
– Why?
– I… – what to tell her? The truth might scare her off or bore her… if she figures out I am depressed, or not able to make decisions … ; lie… is not a good thing, especially in the beginning of a relationship when it is equal to misrepresenting oneself …
She sighed.
– Ok, the pause is telling me that you are thinking of what to tell me…and I don’t want to hear anything but the truth. If you don’t feel like telling me, it’s ok, just please promise not to lie to me.
-uumm.. – I was so taken aback. I wasn’t sure what to make of it… Except that she is freakin’ smart! – I want to tell you, but I am scared that you might …
-… not like you anymore? – she said and chuckled.
-Yes…
– Ok, then, let’s be brave…
-Easy for you to say!
-OK, kid, start talking! – and so I did, as fast and as detached from my emotions as I could (and I am pretty successful at both – years of practice)
-Woow… first… you can talk really fast… secondly… that is an issue we can solve… I am just sorry you didn’t call me when you felt the mind freeze. I could have helped you.
– How? You’re far away…
– Well, from your story I gather that you actually wanted to go this time, so I would have threatened you with a spanking if you didn’t get ready right away. And you would have sent me selfies from the shower,… the bus, the party and so on…
– And what if I didn’t obey? – I asked with a broad smile. I’ve always wanted this!!! My whole life! And here she was! The perfection!!
-Well, you would do it only once. And as I remember, I owe you a spanking from the parking lot. After that one you would obey me…
– I can’t wait for you to come back!! – I said longingly and she out right laughed.